10. god.

just read the bit on my profile where i say i'm a christian...
it's pretty bad that i have to read my online profile before i remember things like that.

and it's reminded me, i never pray, i dont read the bible, i very rarely go to church, i'm not really a good christian..
and obviously, i know, i sin ALL the time. well, i dont know if some of them are sins, but still.
are drugs, alcohol and smoking sins? well who cares, they're bad, and i assume god wouldn't approve. except for weed, god created weed as a present for us, i'm sure :)

and i know stealing is a sin... do that waaaaay too much.
actually, i'm pretty sure it's in the bible somewhere that if you do something against the law, then it's against god too, so everything i do against the law is a sin...
shit.
i really am a crap christian...
but ah well. i'll start my praying (which i'm actually gonna give a go after i've done this post) by saying sorry for all that.

i've been thinking, would god mind me smoking? it's not against the law for me to- i'm 16.
but then again, i dont think he'd like people harming the bodies he gave them...
then again, i think he'd be more pissed off by all the self-harm and suicide attempts that used to happen than a bit of 'harmless' destroying my lungs...

completely changing the subject, i LOVE system of a down.
i used to love them when i was really little (before everyone loved them and they became 'cool' really lol), and i still do, but i hardly listen to them now, cause for some reason, some of the albums on my ipod dont play properly, and all my system of a down albums (all of them lol) dont work...

for some reason, it's only my rock and metal music that's like that.
which is probably what contributed to me becoming a big fat chav.

well, not the big and fat bit. it's the drugs in my life that are conspiring to make me fat, (the pill and weed, i mean).
then again, i was complaining about very that yesterday (i tend to take the piss out of myself constantly to make people laugh- probably not a good thing?), and i got a "but, you're not fat at all. you're fine the way you are." it really took me by suprise, mostly cause unlike all my mates, i cant just push the compliment away saying that he's just trying to make me feel better, cause he's not a close mate, and has no reason to lie to me to make me feel better. therefore, maybe he was telling the truth? i dont know. nowadays i'm too paranoid about my weight and stuff. i mean, alot less than i used to be, i mean, i'm not anorexic now, for one thing, but i'm still not really 100% better...

why am i such a mess?!
and why am i complaining to much today?

and why is this like my old blogs?
i was gonna try and keep this one pretty happy, but ah well :/
didn't work lol.
anyway, i should go.
peace out. x




revenga - system of a down
radio/video - system of a down
toxicity - system of a down
sad statue - system of a down