3. i'll try not to go on and on...

but probably wont succeed very well...

at the moment i'm very conflicted with the whole love-life thing.
maybe i should try being a decent christian for once, and just try NOT being in relationships and stuff.
it's so hard though, and i dont really WANT to, so i might just scrap that idea.

but at the moment, there's the very recent ex, the guy i like who's too immature, the guy that's trying (very hard) to get in my pants right now, and the other guy who's interested in somebody else, but keeps meeting up with me and flirting and stuff. also, he's best mates with the recent ex. and then there's the girl who i'm really good mates with at school who's totally straight and i've liked for years.

how do i deal with all this without hurting the ex, or the 3 guys that seem to be interested right now?!
and even then, even if i somehow decide something that works out for everyone, will it be right for me?!
the most conveniant thing, really, would be to go out with the guy i really like, but keep seeing the other two guys, and stay friends with the ex, and forget about the girl.
BUT, i dont know if i can do that. or want to.
besides, cheating on people tends to get you a bit of a bad reputation. it would also slightly make me a bitch. so i probably wont be doing that.

i want to stay friends with the ex, but i need some space, and he's being way too stalkerish at the moment..
he hasn't stopped talking to me since we broke up. i've had death threat voicemails, love letters, begging "please take me back!" texts, and turning up at my house at about 7 in the morning after staying up all night to give me a memory stick full of music and a cigarette. RANDOM AS FUCK, but y'know, that's life.

i wish i was still on holiday, away from everything.
it feels so long ago (well i guess it was like half a year ago), but at the same time, i remember some of it so well.

something that made me think of it, actually, was one of the guys that seems to like me right now (met up with him on saturday and ended up getting off with him- BAD TIMES) really reminds me of this guy i met on holiday. he's really funny, and it's just the way he talks, i think. plus he's quite big (big-built, not fat), and gives great hugs, just like the holiday guy.

this is going to get so confusing if i dont use any names. and to be honest, if anybody comes across this blog, it's got my name and picture, so they're probably gonna know who's writing if they know me, in which case they'll realise who i'm talking about anyway.

so i'm gonna explain about a few people now...

franky. the ex.

ollie. nice, funny guy, who likes me. but, he's a complete SLAG, and fucks everybody. in the words of a few of my mates, "are you insane?! you probably got about 50 diseases just from kissing him!"

tom. the guy i really like. he's in my year though, and therefore VERY immature.

vicky. girl mate who i've liked for ages.

i'm sure i'll explain other people some other time, but i want to end this blog soon, since it's a long, rambling mess...

i'm listening to my ipod on shuffle, which is probably why my thoughts are all over the place.
hence the list of random tunes at the end of this post.

ooh, for some random reason, i've just thought of something else! (oh god, i so just proved my point, but STILL, it's a good idea, i think!)
i'm gonna post one more thing today, it's a description of marijuana on www.urbandictionary.com. i'll paste it into a new post now :)
i read it the other day, and it's so good, i just have to share it :)




i slept with somebody in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me - fall out boy.
cloud nine - evanescence.
keeper - yellowcard.
plastic surgery slumber party - jeffree star.
contagious - avril lavigne.
falling down - the birthday massacre.
starstruck - lady gaga, feat. flo rida and space cowboy.