well, happy christmas. today, i got a new phone. and other random things i'll have forgotten about in a few weeks/days. oh, and £20 to buy an 8th next time i can be bothered. the phone is really good though, and it only has 2gb of memory (compared with a 160gb ipod), but it's fit loads of my music on, so i'm really happy with that :)
and anyway, i haven't written in ages (well, 3 days... that's a long time for me...), so, you dont know that i'm practically going out with lee. he's franky (my ex's) best mate, well one of them. this makes things complicated. plus we've kind of liked each other since before me and franky even knew each other. but anyway, he's just so NICE. and i thought he was only in it for one thing, which is why i was suprised by him being so consistantly non-dickheadish, but it turns out he actually likes me.
then again, i think this about EVERY guy who ever likes me. oh, i bet he's a dickhead. and his reputation certainly says that. but he seems so nice. then you go through the whole we've-just-met-and-we-never-stop-texting bit, which makes you think he's even nicer, for being so attentive and paying you so much attention. then comes the "so, are you gonna sleep with me? i'm now never going to talk to you unless it's about sex or you lending me money." and, well this has happened to me with so many guys. and happened with ollie tonight. he's always going on about how he really likes me, and wants to go out with me, and really cares about me, and is happy to be just friends so he can spend time with me, then suddenly, the texting stops, and like a week or just under that later, i get a message from him on facebook "wanna meet up tonight and get laid? lol". well, that's it. i've been told by SO MANY PEOPLE that he just fucks girls and doesn't give a shit about them, but he seemed genuinly nice. and so does lee, plus he's more shy, which just seems sweeter. it doesn't work out too well though, cause we both really like each other, but i'm like the shyest person ever, and he's really shy too, so we just walk around talking and holding hands and stuff. it's really nice, and we had our first kiss last night, so i dont really mind.
he's going to amsterdam for 8 days the day after boxing day, so i'm gonna try not to miss him seeing as we're not even like going out or anything. it's so hard not to get attached, but then again, at least we haven't slept together yet. which is quite suprising. the other day (day before yesterday, actually, cause i was grounded before that), he was like "i have a free house, you should come round ;)" i needed to go into town first for some last-minute christmas shopping, then back to my mums for a shower, but i said sure. i shaved everything, put on sexy undies, went round, we put on a funny film... then we sat in silence next to each other for hours barely touching and laughing awkwardly xD
okay, so it wasn't anywhere near as bad as that...
but it was pretty bad. but it was his 18th birthday recently and he got given a big bottle of russian vodka, so we both had 2 double vodka and cokes. and we talked a fair bit, and went out into his garage for a couple fags. and we were holding hands by the end of the film. but his parents were due back then, and i had to go home at some point soon, and needed to make a detour to the shop for cigarettes, so we just chatted awkwardly, and left.
next time, i dont think it'll be quite that awkward...
i mean, we've kissed once, hugged alot, and held hands alot since that nervous first time, so things should be okay.
even though i'm shy, people seem to think i'm a bit of a slag. i dont really get why- i've only slept (or done anything with, for that matter) one person, who i was in a serious relationship with. and i dont exactly go to parties every weekend, getting off with everyone in the room. i mean, i go to the parties, but i dont slag about while i'm there, like most of my friends, because i'm just not that sort of person. i'm way too shy, and even if i weren't, i dont think i'd do that.
anyway, i've been rambling for quite a while now, and my brother's waiting to go on my dad's laptop, so i'd better come off now. 2009 is the best year of my life so far, by far :) no depression, no anorexia, no general teenage angst. okay, some of all of that, but not that much. not compared to previous years. plus, i had the whole franky thing this year. and that was good. it was actually when i started dating him that i was consistantly happy for the first time in my life, really. just before summer this year. but it wasn't him, well, not just him, it was the gain in confidence that made me happier, even if that was caused by him. so yeah, this year has been great. i just hope that the years continue to improve, really. PEACE OUT. x
holiday - dizzee rascal
i could say - lily allen
i don't wanna go to sleep - n-dubz
knock 'em out - lily allen
new in town - little boots
old time's sake - eminem feat. dr. dre
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