19. today should be a good day.

new years eve, at last. last day of 2009.

going out round my best mate's sister's house. em (the sister) says i can smoke weed in her garden, which is good, cause i dont wanna drink really, but i wanna be off my face.

my new years resolution is going to be to not eat chocolate or sweets. or buy snacks when i'm out.
most people would say, given that i have millions of bad habits, that i should quit smoking, quit drugs, join the gym, get a healthy sleeping habit.

but in all truthfulness, i dont give a shit about healthiness, i just want to be thin again. used to be anorexic, and i just want that thinness again, okay?!

at the end of the day, my final, decided, perfect new years resolution is this: get to 7st 7lbs. 7 and a half stone. not to bad, right? i mean, could be worse. i'm 8st 9 at the moment, i think. well, i dont remember exactly, i try not to weigh myself any more. but i know i'm fucking fat, and i cant stand it any more.

i dont care if i have to go back to looking at pro-anorexia websites. or reading journals or something. i just want to trigger myself back into it for a year or so.

today's not a good day, particularly, i'm very ill, bad cough and sore throat mostly.

but hopefully i'll be able to get bud today, so i'll have to walk to pick it up. then i'll have to walk all the way across the town i live in, and to a nearby village, because that's where my friend lives.

and i'm not going to eat anything else today. i can get the munchies as bad as i want - at the end of the day, it's just me being greedy, like normal, it's just like the drug's amplifying the feeling. i've already had a bowl of crunchy nut this morning. luckily, not so ludicrously tasty- dont want any more xP

it's not even 10 yet, during the holidays, and i'm awake, breakfasted, and going to have a shower as soon as my mum's finished in the bathroom. then back online to find a dealer. then out to pick up. then back to get ready, then out with cara, then to her sister em's house :D

i think it's gonna be a good day- i hope so anyway. and all of this, with no guys included. guys only make things worse, really. all they do is bring you down.

one of the reasons i've been gaining weight so much recently is that i'm a really bad comfort eater, and i've been having a really bad time recently. over the last month or two, all i've done is eat when i'm upset, then cheer myself up by getting high, then eating loads more. it's a really bad habit, so now it's gonna be a new year, and i'm determined, like almost everybody else in the UK, that things are gonna change! i'll let you know how it's going next time i write...

oh, i wish i'd written this while i was really high, rather than just a bit last night, cause last time was so funny... honestly dont think there are many things more entertaining. but i gotta read it back through now to make sure it's not too retarded...
peace out. x




3 AM - eminem
my mom - eminem
bagpipes from baghdad - eminem
hello - eminem